From early age, we are presented with various kinds of proverbs; words that serve as guidance for us in order to have a (supposedly) good life. During our lifetime, we must have heard many kinds of proverbs, either “native” (if such things really do exist) or imported.
A while ago, while I was walking down memory lane with a dear friend, we discussed about an unpleasant experience I went through in the past that involved another friend of mine, let’s just say Mr. M from J-town (can I be more specific? Haha..) My friend responded by saying; “Well, just forgive and forget. Forgive him for what he's done, forget that it ever happened, forget that he even existed." By that time, I realize that I don’t want to do that.
All through my not-so-long life so far, I have experienced many unpleasant things which (in my own opinion) were results of other wrongdoings. When someone does things to you that you find unpleasant, the natural response is to feel upset, or sometimes angry. But of course, such feelings can only last for so long.
Oprah once mentioned that hating someone is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. For the sake of our own mental well-being, if we get hurt, we cannot wallow constantly in our anger. After some period of time, we should move on and leave the anger behind; because if we prolong the anger and hatred toward one person (who, by the way, might not realize that you’re angry at them) we are practically hurting ourselves.
In this case, the process of forgiving is a crucial part of soul healing. We won’t be able to move on unless we are able to forgive the inflictor of pain. Time needed to forgive someone will vary, depending on many factors. This is very normal, as long as we realize that we have to be able to forgive in the end.
Up to this point, I agree with my friend’s advice. However, I disagree with the latter part. Paulo Coelho once wrote that "forgiving changes the perspective, forgetting loses the lesson." I cannot agree more with this phrase. Forgiving is crucial, however I find that forgetting is the easier path, but not the best one to chose.
As I recall my experience of being hurt by M, I realized that at that time I was truly hurt; and because I don’t like feeling hurt, I have long decided that I should forgive him. And I have. But on the other hand, I refuse to forget what I experienced at that time because there are valuable lessons to learn from that event; about love, life, and pain. And that event has contributed in making me the way I am now, a stronger figure than I was before. I also refuse to erase his existence completely from my memory because despite of everything that has happened between us, to me he is a valuable friend, with whom I made beautiful memories with. And that is a treasure I’m not willing to let go.
