You know how some nights, more than the others, you just feel like bursting into tears? It's one of those nights when you feel that your head is so full of crap it could explode at any moment and your heart is overwhelmed with loads that you cannot seem to get rid from your chest. Those nights happen to me every once in a while. However hard I avoid them, as long as there's something wrong in my life, they always manage to find a way in.
I had so much planned for my life. Get a job and be damned good with it, make good money, travel to exotic places, have my own house and master the ability to maintain it, get married, paid a trip to a cool place for my mum and dad, raise a wonderful child or two and overall have a great life. Among other things. Instead, my life gets stuck in a self-inflicted stand-still.
Yes, a near perfect stand-still. I realized that even though the world keeps on spinning around I'm just wallowing in my little world; and I'm not sure whether I want it to be over. If I do, than why on earth didn't I force myself hard enough to make a move and end the situation? If I don't, then why the hell do I feel dying inside? To tell you the truth, I'm sick of this situation, but I constantly fail to put things back on the right track; and it kills me inside.
I need help; and despite all of those people who love and support me, I just don't know how I could get it. So for tonight, I'm just going to cry my heart out, because I know that at the very least, God will hear me and be here with me as I cries.
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